Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
