i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
