he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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