I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
