Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
