I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
