she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
