She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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