I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize