this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
