Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
