Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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