things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
