I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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