The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm jealous of your bromance
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
