I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
