once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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