I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
