idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
