somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
