ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
