I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
