if only i could text you this smell
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize