Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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