remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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