What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
