I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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