i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
