just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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