the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm just crazy horny about you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
