you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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