Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
