Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
