Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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