one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
