You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
