I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
