that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
