Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
