My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
