We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize