i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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