Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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