This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize