I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
