If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
