the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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