Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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