I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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