The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize