if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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