His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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