Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've blown a few things in my day
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
