and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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