rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
