she looked like the before picture.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
