im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
