forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
whose parrot is this?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize