Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
