I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
