Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh god it's open bar.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
