There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
