just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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