My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
