Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
