don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
