dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize