What did we do last night that was yellow?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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