Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
