I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
