i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
