Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
