you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
