Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
