I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
