I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
