After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
